A recent New York Times article asked the question, “What if the Secret to Success is Failure?” The article notes that children who learn through trial and error are not only more engaged in the learning process, they develop “grit,” or tenacity: the ability to meet a challenge and see it through.

We are all born with tenacity, and right from the start we possess a natural drive to learn, to problem solve, to challenge ourselves and to master. These traits are what have enabled us to adapt and survive as a species, to inhabit a myriad of disparate environments and to overcome challenges and cataclysms.

Young children, in particular, are tenacious beings; they work and learn with verve and naturally overcome obstacles to hone skills as they strive for mastery. Dr. Montessori observed over 100 years ago that when children were provided with challenges and left to work a problem, they automatically used the process of trial and error, becoming deeply absorbed in their work and persevering without need for external cheering or motivation. We see solid evidence of both the natural drive to learn and the natural use of trial and error every day. Take the child who desperately wants to learn to ride a bike, for instance; he practices endlessly, falling and getting up repeatedly; yet, as soon as he masters one aspect of the skill he pushes himself to master another: wheelies, skid stops, etc.

Parents tell me every day that part of the vision they hold for their children is for them to approach life with this kind of verve and passion, for them to learn deeply through experience and develop life skills that will sustain them through adversity. They want their children to overcome obstacles and develop resilience; however, allowing them to fail, a crucial component of trial and error, can be difficult to do in today’s culture.

Trial and error has long been accepted as the key to true learning and essential to creativity.  But our culture conspires to lead us on the opposite track, promoting the notion that nothing but the right answer gets you the reward, in whatever form it may come: the gold star, the prize, the high score, or entrée into the “right” school. Research and experience tell us that this approach not only undermines true learning, it promotes a fear of failure, which ultimately reduces an individual’s willingness to try; the basic component of tenacity.

So it’s not surprising that somewhere along the line, many children lose their tenacious drive, leading parents to ask what we can do to help them retain this essential characteristic. Truthfully, we don’t need to help; more often than not we need not to.

Let’s look at how Dr. Montessori supported the child’s capacity for tenacity in the classroom.

Armed with the clear evidence that children were 1) imbued with a natural drive to learn and master and 2) with a natural tendency to use trial and error in pursuit of these goals, Dr. Montessori designed the classroom environment and many of its materials to provide inherent self-correction or control of error.  A control of error sends the message that more refinement is required to get the desired result (ex: the natural control of error for the child riding the bike is that he or she falls off if the bike isn’t balanced). Ideally, control of error is inherent in the trial and error process; it then remains non-judgmental and is merely the result of an action. In this way the young child sees error simply as a part of the process. (It’s important to note that since trial and error is a repetitive, contemplative process, sufficient time is needed for it to be effective.)

Now let’s look at how you can support this process at home. Set your child up to face life with a tenacious, “can do” attitude by showing him that you have confidence in his ability to overcome challenge. Phrases such as “You can do it,” “I would like your help to solve this problem,” or “What do you think we could do” can help. 

You can continue to reinforce the idea of trial and error and experimentation by reminding your child that there may be more than one way to solve a problem. For instance, “What if you tried…” or “I wonder what would happen if …” Most important, however, remember to provide time for the process and model trial and error and perseverance when solving your own problems.

And when you encounter instances with your child where you need to decide whether to intervene, fix something on behalf of your child or provide guidance, stop and evaluate whether your involvement is necessary. You may be attempting to make things easier or faster, but by providing help you may actually be doing him or her a disservice. When your child is persisting and/or concentrating, do not interfere—even though he or she may clearly be struggling.  Only step in if you see extreme frustration, and then try only to inquire as to how you can help. Provide minimal support then move away. By doing this, you provide your child with the opportunity to persist and experience success. This reinforces the notion that sticking with something and trying and trying again will work. And as I always say, children do what works.

Voila: tenacity!

Remember, every time children overcome adversity and experience success as a result of their own effort, they build competency, feel more capable, develop resilience and maintain the tenacity with which they were born.

Una